I am so excited for these cooler months to share with you on how to care for your heart, your home, and your health this holiday season. If you haven't already checked out last month's blog, I shared on caring for your home in a way of setting it up to benefit you and your loved ones! It was such a great reminder on how much our home environment affects our well-being and this month's blog post is focusing more on our inner well-being that is affected by our outer world.
For many of us, the holidays are a cheery and magical time to share with the ones we love, and for others, it can also be a time where there is pain, anxiety, seasonal depression, and sometimes hope deferred rather than hope ignited. Sometimes we can get in the same old ruts and feelings around the large holiday gatherings (or small ones), experiencing loneliness, and other stresses like Christmas shopping, relatives, or how we need to finish everything on our list before the year's end. But, how do we step into this season prepared and equipped to handle it all? How do we stop the same cycles from happening? How do we step into peace, joy and ultimately love again? And I believe the answer lies in how we care for our hearts.... Because ultimately, it's from what's happening inside of us that will lead us to the answer of how we can shift not only our perspective but also our response to what's happening around us. We must first tend inward before we look outward.
After the last few years of learning more about emotional health and in gaining my certification as an emotional health coach, I have come across a Christian community of people who are getting so much freedom in their personal life and are affecting those around them just from learning to care for their heart. Dear friends, this is no whimsical talk. Our culture has bought-in that if only we have more things, more money and bigger and better, then we will be happy. But that couldn't be further from the truth. The ancient book of Wisdom shares that "above all else", we are to "guard our hearts, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23). If only we knew how to do that so that we could be bubbling over with the essence of life -- love, peace, and joy, and I believe that is what's in store for us this holiday season.
Friends, may I introduce to you a dear and wonderful friend who walks out caring for the heart so well. She has come a great deal in her journey and is a well of wisdom and another fellow life consultant who you can follow here. Enjoy!
Introduce yourself! Who are you, what is your background and what do you do?
My name is Katelyn Hendricks (soon to be Katelyn Buccolo, I'm getting married on NYD!) Growing up, I was CONVINCED that I wanted to be a ballet dancer and actually pursued it, but after a bout with an eating disorder in college, I transitioned into pursuing a career in church ministry. I grew up in a traditional church congregation, but only experienced Jesus and the body of Christ for real in college. However, while working in ministry right out of college, I ended up in burnout, had experienced emotional and spiritual abuse, and found myself in codependent relationships all around (though I did not have the language for any of that at the time). God was still my rock in all of it and I am now so much more convinced of His love for me. I was also able to start healing from a good chunk of my trauma through an amazing Christian emotional health program (more on this later). Today, I am not only a faith based life consultant but I am also an executive assistant within two different companies. I love administration and all things calendaring, and I have been good at it for a long time, but my goal is to take my life consulting career to full time... hopefully in 2025!
How has heart care impacted you and your relationships now compared to before when you didn’t have the tools?
Heart care has been absolutely life changing for me. To put it really simply, I was deeply in love with Jesus before I ever discovered anything about caring for my heart, mind and body even if it was only for a few years. I had no problem loving God, but what I DID struggle with was loving myself. As a Christian, I didn’t even think you should love and care for yourself: it was all supposed to be focused on others. To care for others only because I’m told to by my religious leaders and so it makes me look good… is not the heart Jesus designed for us. It was only when I could truly understand my own pain and trauma and have compassion for myself and actually learn to love myself in the messy places (and not just only love God, but actually allow His love to get into my heart in the places it needs) that my relationships and world started to transform around me. And it still is transforming, because it’s a journey and a God of infinite wisdom still has so much to teach me, even about myself.
I would also say that when I’m choosing myself and making a commitment to myself to love others as myself, it gets a little bit easier to forgive others when there is an offense, especially when I set boundaries from a place of love and not from a place of shoving someone away. I find that relationships are more likely to be reconciled when we move from a place of caring for our hearts because it helps us see what we need in order to have healthy relationships.
What does caring for your heart mean to you and how do you cultivate that/how often?
I used to say that I cared for my heart every day, but now it’s more like a state/mindset I live in. We don’t really think twice about caring for others in our lives: friends, parents, kids, pets, other family members, strangers, spouses and coworkers, etc. but giving care to ourselves often takes a backseat to what everyone else receives from us. Cultivating this state and mindset in myself came from seeing myself as an active participant in my own life (who also has valid needs) rather than forgetting about myself in the sea of everyone else's lives, desires and needs. Therefore, caring for my heart means getting full first, and doing life from an overflowing and connected standpoint so that what I am pouring out to people around me is actually good, pure, true and beautiful. This might sound like I'm setting the bar pretty high, but this is my goal, and I definitely fall short some days. But it stays my aim even on the days when I don't feel like caring for myself or I feel like I did a "bad job" at it, because those are the days I need to be the most tender with myself. Also, if you are familiar with inner child work, a different perspective to some of this is being able to see the younger version of you who had more needs and maybe didn't know how to get them met on their own. Doing this work over time and getting to know that level of yourself can help you cultivate the compassion needed to be in a continual state of caring for your own heart.
How did your interest in emotional health and self-care start?
My interest in self-care started long before my interest in emotional health ever began because I did not know emotional health even existed for the longest time! When I discovered my eating disorder in college, I started working with a Christian therapist and realized I was actually passionate about finding ways to care for myself as a Christian. Everyone around me knew I was into self-care, but to me, it's more of soul care (not just taking bubble baths and getting massages). I really believe it was an interest the Lord placed on my heart so I could heal, and it is still serving me to this day!
When it comes to emotional health... interesting story! Someone who I actually received a lot of negative feedback from told me I needed to grow in my emotional intelligence. Even though this feedback was difficult to receive, I was already trying to grow in my emotional intelligence back then, but didn't really find much other than head knowledge. But a year or so later, as I kept pressing into the "self-care as a Christian" journey by seeking guidance, therapy, healing and even going to a dating conference before I got engaged, I found Sammi and Spencer Robbins and their company Alive + Free. My emotional health journey blossomed officially from there as I walked through their program Come Alive and realized "OHHHH... This is what this person was trying to tell me I need to grow in - I need to heal so I can thrive and become the fullest version of myself..." My current belief is that EVERYONE can benefit from learning to tend to themselves and their emotions better; as Jesus said, "love others AS you love yourself."
Is there any kind of care you like to implement specifically during the winter or the holiday season?
I don't have any kind of care that I specifically like to implement during the holiday/winter season just because each season has been so different for me. But what I will say is last year, I discovered that I am more of a homebody than I would previously have liked to admit! In the winter, our world is literally hibernating. I think it is gracious and loving to ourselves and those around us to also "hibernate" in our own way should our body, heart, mind or soul be communicating to us that it needs rest. Last year, I fully gave myself permission to do this: during the month of December I made a commitment to give myself more self-care time daily due to being in a busier season (and by more, I mean 15 minutes consistently per day!) This set me up for a winter of good candles, cozy foods, blankets and activities that honestly rejuvenated me for the spring which was an even busier and different season for me. I believe that when we live with hope for what’s to come, we live in preparation too. Just as God created our earth and graciously gave it a whole season to rest and not have to produce, maybe we can intentionally rest with it as well. Ultimately I can say I will be doing that as much as I feel I need this winter too because it had such a great return for me, helped me learn to rest more and feel more present with my surroundings. I think the ultimate trick is to tune into what you are needing, and truly nurture that.
If someone were to find themselves stressed, anxious or lonely around holiday/winter season, what advice would you give them?
Coming off from what I previously shared, if you find yourself feeling depressed, stressed, anxious or lonely and want to hide - I am not saying you should not rest or hibernate but ask yourself what feels the most genuinely loving to you in the midst of those feelings. A coach I love and trust who works mainly with our nervous systems (Courtney Lancaster) once said "our state creates our story." So in an agitated, lonely or depressive state, we may want to crawl into our hole and never come out again - which makes sense based the story you are telling yourself because of that state. While you may need rest and may need to sit with those feelings for awhile because they are so valid and worthy of being tended to, the point is to get to know those emotions, and not let them control our lives (what you can name you can tame). Do what feels most genuinely loving to you in the end, whether that means resting or going out and doing things... whether they are holiday related or not (which may include saying no and standing up for yourself, too!) What feels genuinely loving and is best for you and your state right now may not be exactly what your body wants to do, but it should feel like you are moving in the direction of safety. It is equally important that you can be with yourself as you experience that and tune into that, as well as have safe community and places you can go to as well. My coach Melanie Huggard has some amazing resources for anyone experiencing depressive sytmpoms as well as for getting your heart ready for the holidays, linked here.
Where can people find you?
People can find me on Instagram, Facebook, Threads or LinkedIn! I’d love to meet you!
Instagram & Threads: @kate.lyn.rose
Facebook & LinkedIn: Katelyn Hendricks (but will be Buccolo after January 2025)
Katelyn, Melanie Huggard & me :)
I hope you enjoyed this blog post! If it resonated with you in any way, please share this with a friend or loved one who needs some encouragement this holiday season!
Til next time, Kristina
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